A Dark and Stormy Night
by Imagination Live
Summary: Zack and his friends go on a camping trip in the woods, all does not go as planned... The van breaks down in the middle of a dark forest, they have no way to fix it so they start walking through the pouring rain, but something is stalking them.. People start disappearing one by one as they try to survive this crazy forest... Crack fic, slight AU and OOC, no pairings. Enjoy XD!


**Disclaimer: I do not own final fantasy VII, but I do own my plot and my crazy imagination!**

Zack cheered, "Let's go, Spikey! Let's go!"

"You know I'd probably go faster if you were carrying something," he glared as he shifted the bags on his shoulder.

"Oh! Thanks Spikey I almost forgot!" Zack grabbed two bags and started skipping across the parking garage.

The lights flickered above them, "Why do we have to leave so early?" Reno grumbled, "I haven't even finished my cigarette yet." He stumbled with the bag over his shoulder, he cursed as part of his cigarette dropped on the ground. He bent to pick it up, his disheveled hair flopped in front of his eyes blocking his view, and his bag slipped off his shoulder.

He made a few choice words, "Oh! Come on, this is fun!" Zack chirped as he grabbed Reno's bag and flung it over his own shoulder.

"Thanks," Reno said as he smoothed back his hair and tried to put his cigarette back together.

"You're welcome!" Zack marched along enthusiastically. "Where are your other bags by the way?" he looked back at him.

"That's it," Reno said barely paying attention to anything but the cigarette in front of him.

Zack and Cloud stopped, "What!?" Zack asked, "What's even in here!?" He started rummaging in Reno's bag, pulling out a pack of a cigarettes, and then another, and another, and another, and another, until he realized there was at least half a carton, "Dude! How much do you need!?" Reno shrugged his shoulders, "We're only going to be there a week!"

Reno stopped and his eyes widened, "I'm gonna need more cigarettes! Are we stopping by a gas station on the way out?"

"Reno! You don't need that much!" Cloud said shocked.

"Dude, you're gonna die!" Zack wailed.

Reno shrugged, "I figure I'll be stabbed in a bar fight before the cigarettes catch up," the two halves of the cigarette finally joined together somewhat, "Finally," he mumbled as he relit it. The movement from his mouth loosened the bond again and it dropped on the floor, he cursed, and reached to pick it up.

Zack stepped on it before he could reach it, Reno glared up at him, "I'm not gonna let you kill yourself!" Zack said, "You're my friend! And if I have to, I'll protect you from yourself!"

"An intervention?" Cloud asked.

"Yeah! This whole week you're not gonna have one cigarette!"

"What!?" Reno yelled.

"You can't do that Zack. With how many cigarettes Reno smokes a day, going cold turkey would be catastrophic," Cloud said.

"Hmm... You're right, Spikey," Zack laughed, "Good thing you're here! I might've done something crazy like dump all his cigarettes through the manhole cover on 5th Avenue!"

Reno roughly grabbed his bag from Zack and hugged it close, glaring straight into Zack's soul, "You do it and you die," he hissed menacingly, before slinging the bag over his shoulder and walking to the meet up point.

Zack and Cloud cringed as they saw Reno walk off. "Probably shouldn't have said that within earshot," Zack rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

"Especially now that if they go missing he'll blame you," Cloud said, "But don't worry, he knows you mean well."

They heard footsteps running towards them and the sound of hysterical bubbling laughter. They looked to see a man in a white lab coat running around the parking garage with three guards running after him. The man was pretty fast, outmanuevering the guards he jumped towards Zack, "Haha! Cookies! Haha!" he laughed inches from Zack's face before jumping off and running in circles around a column, two of the guards stopped exhausted, but the last one made a ditch effort. Cloud and Zack watched as the man was tazed, hitting the ground like a sack of potatoes, and being drug by his ankle back to the main building.

Zack and Cloud had dropped their belongings in the confusion, after a long moment of silence Cloud asked, "... Was that... Hojo...?" Zack nodded his face still in a look of shock, "Was he wearing makeup?" Zack nodded, "And a red dress?" he nodded again. There was another long moment of silence before they fell to the ground in side splitting laughter.

"Why- why didn't I have- my camera!?" Zack asked.

"We- we could always - check the security-tapes!"

"What are you two laughing at?" They saw Angeal walk towards them and quickly straigthened up, an occasional laugh escaping.

"You'll never believe this!" Zack said.

"Oh?"

"Hojo lost it and was running around in drag-!"

"He got tazed by the guards-!" Cloud said

"Really now?" Angeal laughed.

"Yeah come on Geal you have to believe us!" Zack said.

He laughed "I never said I didn't. Come on boys the others are waiting." They arrived at their vehicle, Reno was leaning against it trying to fix his first cigarette while he smoked another one. The appearance was startling; a worn old van, brown and tan color scheme like from the 1970's or 80's, it was a van that many parents would undoubtedly have their children avoid. Angeal's brow furrowed, "When I requested for a vehicle... Well I definitely wasn't expecting this..."

"It's bad enough that we even have to go on this outing. Why do we have to use Zack's van?"

"This isn't my van!" Zack glared at the new arrivals, Genesis and Sephiroth.

"Oh, my mistake," Sephiroth grumbled, "I forgot your van was the pink one dedicated to Hello Kitty and My Little Pony."

"That one isn't mine either! My cars the blue one in..." he thought better of his statement, "Who does that pink van belong to anyways?"

Genesis stiffened and looked around anxiously but no one seemed to notice. "Come on now. Let's not fight. We're going to have a fun time camping together remember?" Angeal said.

"Yay," Sephiroth mocked.

"Someone woke up on the wrong side of bed."

"It's four in the morning and I have to squander my precious vacation to go on this ridiculous camping trip!"

"I'm sorry you feel that way," Angeal sighed. "But for the sake of our sanity lets try to have fun and get along while we're there okay?"

"Fine," he grumbled. The six got their things in the car and buckled in, "No, why is he driving?" Sephiroth glared at Zack in the driver's seat.

"He's a responsible driver, Sephiroth. I trust him with my life."

"The feeling is not mutual. You drive."

"Funny, you're scared of Zack driving even though he has had significantly less accidents and traffic violations than you and Reno..." Angeal smirked.

Sephiroth glared but stopped talking. The six started heading out of the garage when Genesis said, "Okay, I can understand why we have to be here, I can even understand why the infantryman is here, but why is he here?" They all looked at Reno.

"Probation. Tseng wants him out of trouble while he's on vacation," Sephiroth said.

"What'd you do?" Genesis asked.

Reno smirked, "Before or after he put me on probation?"

Genesis grinned. "Reno?" Angeal asked warily, "What did you do?"

Reno just smiled as the ground rumbled a bit and they started hearing alarms from the Shinra building a few blocks away. A feminine voice was heard from the speakers, "This building is currently undergoing lockdown... Sorry for any inconvienience this may cause."

Angeal looked horrified, Reno grinned maniacally, "That's the least of their concerns..." He said vaguely.

Cloud's eyes widened, "Did this have anything to do with Hojo?"

Reno grinned maliciously as he laughed maniacally. "Dude, that was awesome!" Zack said. "How did you do that!?"

"Eyes on the road Zack!" Angeal grabbed ahold of the wheel before they collided with the guard rail.

"See my point!" Sephiroth said.

"Sorry, I won't take my eyes off of the road anymore!" Zack said.

"I'm actually surprised you didn't make us turn around Angeal," Sephiroth said.

"I am too!" Zack said, "I mean you'e always talking about 'Honor and dreams'," copying Angeal.

He chuckled, "Well, I thought it would be best to keep this one away from the Shinra building so he couldn't cause more damage, and honestly," he rubbed his face, "I really need a vacation."

Gasps resounded, "Are you breaking a rule Angeal?" Sephiroth asked dramatically.

"Oh my God!" Genesis copied Sephiroth's dramatiscism.

"No. Don't get me wrong! As soon as this vacation is over it's straight to Tseng! It's not like we could get through the lockdown anyways..." he added.

"Oh~!" Everyone teased.

"This is going to be a long vacation," he chuckled.

 **A/N: Thanks for reading! Please rate and review ^^ !**


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